THE PRESUMED INNER MONOLOGUE OF ONE GUY AT A SPORTS BAR LAST SUNDAY AS HIS ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION ESCALATED…


DRINK #1
This game is going to be incredible! I’ve been looking forward to it all week. But I gotta take it easy today. I have to be at work by nine tomorrow so I’ll just have one or two drinks. And beer only – no liquor. That’ll be fine. I don’t need to get drunk to have a good time.


DRINK #2
Hot damn this beer tastes good! Oh, there’s a group of good looking women over there. Hey ladies. Hmm, they didn’t see me. But, who cares? I’m here with my buddies and we’re having a great time. This game is certainly living up to the hype. Wow, still the first quarter, huh? I guess I could have one more beer.


DRINK #3
Alright, this is just stupid. Why should I restrict the amount of fun I have by putting some arbitrary limit on the number of drinks I consume? I mean can I really be expected to switch over to Diet Coke and still enjoy myself knowing that everyone else is having soooooooo much more fun than I am? No, I’ll just keep this same pace, thank you. I’m still in complete control. In fact, one could argue that this is my sweet spot. I’ve never been funnier. Hell, we’re all hilarious right now. We should definitely have our own TV show.


DRINK #7
Do I have Buffalo wing sauce all over my face? Nah, I got it all. I wonder what the score is.


DRINK #8
Technically I could show up for work at 10:30 and no one would notice so I should be fine. Everything’s fine. In fact, that pack of girls who wouldn’t look in this direction earlier is definitely checking us out – well me anyway. I’m gonna go over there. No wait. I’m going to stare at them for a while longer first. They seem to enjoy that.


DRINK #9
Holy crap that shot tasted awful. Oh darn, I just remembered I wasn’t supposed to drink any liquor…ah screw it. That beer was really slowing me down. Do I have Jagermeister all over my face? Nah, I got it all. I wonder if that football game is still on.


DRINK #12
If I call in sick now, I’ll definitely get voicemail so I won’t have to talk to anyone, but if I wait until morning it will probably be more believa…hey, who’s this prick who just bumped into me? Better watch it pal.


DRINK #14
Hmm, let’s see, should I puke in the garbage can or the sink? Oh look, a urinal. Perfect!


DRINK #15
Do I have puke all over my face? Nah, I got it all. I wonder who won that game.