APPLEBEE’S, BOISE, ID – NIGHT

The Head Coach sits at a booth with his Defensive Coordinator (DC) who is polishing off a sundae. The Offensive Coordinator (OC) walks by and does a double take.

OC: Coach?

Coach is startled.

COACH: Oh, uh, hey, what are you doing here?

OC: Just picking up an order. Am I missing a meeting or something?

COACH: No, I just wanted to take my favorite Defensive Coordinator out for some Riblets.

DC doesn’t even look up from his dessert.

DC: I’m number one!

OC: He’s eating a sundae.

COACH: Yeah, well, a little dessert won’t kill him. We’re celebrating.

OC: Oh, you mean celebrating our victory in the highest scoring game of all time?

COACH: That’s right.

OC: Don’t you think, I don’t know, I should be in on this little soiree?

COACH: Come on, don’t be like that. We would have never won without that amazing sack. Right, buddy?

DC: Super sack!

OC: Yeah, it was sweet alright. But, oh, I don’t know, maybe it wouldn’t have even been necessary if we didn’t allow more scoring than the Vatican.

DC drops his spoon. His lip begins to quiver.

COACH: No, no, buddy, it’s okay. He didn’t mean to…

DC starts to cry.

OC: Oh, for the love of…

COACH: Now look what you did. And we were having such a nice time. Say you’re sorry.

OC: But I’m the one that…

COACH: You know better.

OC knows he has no choice.

OC: I’m sorry alright.

The crying continues. Everyone is looking.

COACH: So help me, you better get him to stop crying.

OC: Look, you did a great job this weekend, okay.

DC wipes his nose on his sleeve.

DC: Really?

OC: Absolutely. It was my offense’s fault for scoring so quickly and easily. Your defense must have just been tired.

DC: I’m number one?

OC: Yeah. You’re number one.

DC: Alright partner! Share my ice cream.

OC: No thanks, I have to…

DC: Ice cream!

DC shoves the spoon in his face.

OC: No really, you know I’m lactose intolerant and…

DC: Come on partner, ice cream!

He sticks the spoon in OC’s mouth who promptly bats it away, launching it into the back of a waitress’s head.

WAITRESS: Hey!

COACH: Now look what you’ve done.

OC: Me?! What about him?

COACH: You should know better. He was just trying to share.

DC is getting upset.

COACH: No buddy, it’s not your fault.

A nice Lady walks over and places a caring hand on DC’s shoulder.

LADY: Well hello, I just wanted to thank you again for your wonderful donation to the Children’s Center.

DC smiles wide.

DC: You’re welcome!

OC: Wait, I raised that money.

LADY: Well my buddy here handed me the check.

DC: I gave the money!

COACH: You sure did.

OC: This is unbelievable.

The Lady looks at OC with shocked disdain.

LADY: It certainly is.

She storms off.

COACH: You know, I don’t really like the way you’re representing the program lately.