NATIONAL MAGAZINE: PUFF PIECE Q&A

Our Reporter sat down with embattled Tiger mascot, Mike VI this week. Here’s how it went:

REPORTER: How disappointing is it to push your debut back?

MIKE VI: First, let me say thanks for speaking with me. This is a thrill. Sorry about the iron bars and moat.

REPORTER: They say it’s for my protection.

MIKE VI: Well, that is true.

REPORTER: So you would attack me if given the chance?

MIKE VI: Only if you were wearing a South Carolina jersey. Just kidding. Wait, no I’m not. Of course I would. I’m a tiger. Gotta keep it real here.

REPORTER: Don’t tigers live in the jungle? How can the heat stop you from appearing this week?

MIKE VI: Well, first of all, that’s a stereotype.

REPORTER: How so?

MIKE VI: Sure, some tigers are born in the jungle – so, guess what? They live there. What are you gonna do? That doesn’t define us though. I was born in Indiana.

REPORTER: Not quite tropical.

MIKE VI: No, it’s not. I mean, yeah, it gets hot in the summer, but I wasn’t exactly running 10-K’s in July up there either.

REPORTER: So…?

MIKE VI: Look, I’m an endangered species – a rare commodity. I have very specific handling rules to ensure my health, safety and longevity; and I take them very seriously.

REPORTER: It sounds like you get the Joba Chamberlain treatment.

MIKE VI: We have the same agent.

REPORTER: Are you and Joba friends?

MIKE VI: We text each other quite a bit. I’m so happy for him. He’s really got those Yankee fans excited.

REPORTER: But you’ve never gotten together?

MIKE VI: Not exactly.

REPORTER: Because you would try to eat him.

MIKE VI: Absolutely…wait, actually, could you not use that?

REPORTER: Why?

MIKE VI: I mean, yeah, I know I’m a carnivorous wild animal, but I’m just worried about how statements like that will translate to print. The last thing the public wants is a sports story about crime and violence.

REPORTER: So what do you make of the latest OJ mess?

MIKE VI: It’s sad. I wish his family the best.

REPORTER: Michael Vick?

MIKE VI (chuckling): No comment.

REPORTER: So you’re not a dog person?

MIKE VI: Let’s just talk football man.

REPORTER: Did you always dream of becoming a mascot?

MIKE VI: Don’t get me wrong, growing up in the Midwest is great but, yeah, I wanted to get out and see what the rest of the country had to offer. And what are my options really? The circus? Those weirdoes in Vegas? No, football was my way out.

REPORTER: And LSU was your dream school?

MIKE VI: When I was a bright-eyed one year old last autumn, I had my heart set on two places: Auburn and LSU. Then I find out that the Auburn “Tigers” have some punk eagle flying around to get the home crowd fired up. What’s up with that?

REPORTER: I think it is a tradition that started back in…

MIKE VI: I mean, fine, have your traditions, but just call yourselves the Auburn Eagles. Don’t drag us into it.

REPORTER: No love for other mascots then?

MIKE VI: I’m no hater. They gotta do their thing. But if you call yourselves the Tigers, I don’t wanna see some SARS-infested showboat on your sidelines. Right?!

REPORTER: Uh, sure. So how do you like it here in Baton Rouge so far?

MIKE VI: Look around dude. Have you seen the chicks at this place? It’s amazing. They come by my habitat all the time smiling and waving. Man, if they were just allowed inside the cage…

REPORTER: You’d eat them.

MIKE VI: Exactly…Damn! I keep walking into that. People are definitely going to get the wrong idea about me.

REPORTER: What would you like the people to know?

MIKE VI: I’m in this for the long haul. I may be starting a little slow, but I’m no prima donna. I’m here to prowl and roar and win just like my five predecessors. I just hope the fans and media are patient with my approach.

REPORTER: What about the name? You were born “Roscoe” but tradition dictates you go with “Mike VI.” You’re not saying you might stray from that as well?

MIKE VI: No. Come on. Absolutely not. The new name comes with the job. Kinda like when you’re Pope.

REPORTER: So are you comparing…?

MIKE VI: Let me stop you right there. That was just a harmless exaggeration. Man! And they say tigers are bloodthirsty.

Look for Mike VI to make his home debut on October 6th against Florida.