THE CASE OF THE FIVE RING CIRCUS

You are a factory worker. Well, you were a factory worker. You were once the night shift supervisor on the Swooshie Sporting Goods assembly line. Then you got greedy and asked for your first cost of living raise in ten years. The next day the factory and your job were shipped out to China where someone was grateful to pick up your slack for one one-hundredth of your salary.

You and your fellow “early retirees” protested loudly and vigorously but never got a shout-out on even one of the many cable news channels. It seems you made the mistake of losing your job in the same week Britney Spears shaved her head.

So, you tried to find a new job, but the only option in your ever-shrinking town is working retail at the giant Ball-Mart. And while you appreciated that they were generous enough to offer you a full one-fourth of your previous salary and that they were considerate enough to spare you the time and hassle of enrolling in a health insurance plan, you simply could not motivate yourself to join the happy team. It turns out your greed is only surpassed by your laziness.

So you decided to spend your days doing what every lazy, out of work American does: drinking beer and bouncing on a trampoline. And that’s when things got interesting.

It turns out you are a wildly talented trampoline bouncer. It also turns out that bouncing on a trampoline is now an Olympic event (It’s true! Look it up!).

Soon, word of your talent spread to the power brokers of U.S. trampoline bouncing. And just moments ago you were offered a spot on the national team and a share of all of its lucrative endorsement deals – most notably those of Swooshie and Ball-Mart (it turns out that by keeping labor costs down they have hundreds of millions to spend on marketing and advertising).

You are understandably torn. On the one hand, if you accept the spot on the team and the endorsement cash you will be perpetuating the very system that dooms millions of lower class Americans (like you) to a sub-standard way of life. On the other hand, if you are going to bounce on a trampoline all day, you might as well get paid for it.

Whoa, this sure is a lot of information to process (especially after seven beers) but the team and the sponsors need your decision…right now!


If you choose to stand up to the system that has repeatedly screwed you and most of the people you know, click here