OFFICE OF PACMAN’S LAWYER, MEMPHIS, TN – DAY

Pacman and his Lawyer sit at a table.

LAWYER: I can’t let you do this.

PACMAN: What? There’s nothing wrong with wrestling.

LAWYER: Yes, well, it’s not winning you any points with the Commissioner.

PACMAN: Yeah, but…

LAWYER: And, not to mention, your highest profile, um, allegation, took place at a strip club so don’t you think, well, uh…?

PACMAN: Oh, not the name again. TNA! Total Nonstop Action! It’s completely innocent.

LAWYER: Adam, please.

PACMAN: But I’ve got to get paid. And my options are limited.

LAWYER: Yeah, now that you mention that….

PACMAN: Oh, I suppose you have a problem with my other new opportunities, too.

The Lawyer scratches his head uncomfortably.

PACMAN: You’ve got to be kidding me!

LAWYER: Just look at these new endorsements…

The Lawyer consults his files.

LAWYER: BNE Moving?!

PACMAN: That’s a great company. They work nights and weekends!

LAWYER: Yeah, but BNE? Is that something you really want to be associated with right now? Or ever?

Pacman holds up his hands in confusion.

PACMAN: Uh, yeah, Beautiful No-hassle Estimates. What’s not to like?

The Lawyer tilts his head in anger.

PACMAN: Oh come on. I’ve never been in that kind of trouble anyway.

LAWYER: Okay, how about this one: DWI Limousines?!

PACMAN: Uh, yeah? Driving With Insurance.

LAWYER: DWI? You don’t think that’s a problem?

PACMAN: It’s driving WITH insurance!

LAWYER: Yes, but most people will…

PACMAN: Come on man. I have to get paid! Do you know how lucky I am to be getting work of any kind? You yourself said I was marketing poison.

LAWYER: Yes and you’re making it worse.

PACMAN: You’re crazy.

LAWYER: Oh, I am? How about THC Snackfoods?!

Pacman holds his arms up in confusion.

PACMAN: Yeah, Totally Healthy Chips. You should be thrilled with that one.

LAWYER: Thrilled?! Are you?!...Do you…?!...Aghh!!!

PACMAN: Relax man. Don’t you know I’ve got a deal with a legitimate firm in the criminal justice industry?

LAWYER: Oh, no, please tell me it’s not SNM Bonds.

PACMAN: Yes! Super Nice Magistrates. How did you guess?

LAWYER: Oh, God.

PACMAN: What is your problem anyway?

LAWYER: My problem is that I have to parade around screaming that you are innocent until proven guilty and you keep doing the dumbest things humanly imaginable!

PACMAN: Like what?

LAWYER: Oh, I don’t know, signing on with that new stationery store maybe.

PACMAN: FNA Write!

LAWYER: Exactly. Listen, we’ve got a long road ahead of us here. We need to look penitent in front of the league and the press and the public.

PACMAN: But I’ve got to get paid!

LAWYER: You’re thinking short term, though. This stuff is going to cost you money in the long run.

PACMAN: How could being associated with a fine company like STD Plumbing possibly cost me money?

LAWYER: Well, jeez, I don’t know, it could hurt your image.

Pacman cannot believe the lunacy of this guy.

PACMAN: How? I’m getting paid. Everyone has to respect that.

LAWYER: Respect?

PACMAN: Yeah, respect. How else do you think I got to be the new face of SBD Cologne?

LAWYER: That’s what I’d like to know.

PACMAN: Well that’s not your job. Your job is to keep me out of jail and get me back on the field.

LAWYER: Fine.

PACMAN: Fine. So how am I lookin’ on that?

LAWYER: SOL.