BECKHAM RESIDENCE, LOS ANGELES, CA – DAY

David and Victoria Beckham sit on their lovely white couch across from Victoria’s new Manager.

MANAGER: Now, I know you’ve said you’re not interested David, but there really is a ton of money out there.

DAVID: I’m sure there is, but this television business is my wife’s thing.

VICTORIA: But sweetie, the more exposure you get, the better it is for me and my career.

David drops his head.

VICTORIA: Please. All you have to do is listen.

He smiles. How can he resist?

DAVID: Alright.

VICTORIA: Yaaaaayyyyyy!

MANAGER: Excellent. I’ve got a slew of solid offers right here. Let’s see.

He shuffles through his papers.

MANAGER: VH1 is offering you a show called “Three’s A Charm.”

DAVID: What’s that?

MANAGER: You and Victoria sing karaoke in a hot tub with Flavor Flav.

VICTORIA: Ooh, interesting.

DAVID: I don’t think so.

MANAGER: They’ve got another show: “Celebrity Poop.”

DAVID: One of those gossip programs?

MANAGER: Not exactly. They just come here and mount a camera in your bathroom and…

DAVID: Absolutely not!

VICTORIA: David. You said you’d keep an open mind.

DAVID: Come on, that’s insane.

MANAGER: Okay, MTV. They want to do a British version of their hit show, “Yo Mama.” It’s called “Your Mum.”

DAVID: I’m not familiar.

MANAGER: You know, things like, “Your mum is so chubby she has to wash her knickers in the Thames.”

DAVID: I would say that to people?

MANAGER: No, you would judge whose “Your Mum” joke is best.

Victoria is struck with inspiration.

VICTORIA: Your mum is so chubby she wears Big Ben as a wristwatch!

DAVID: Absolutely not.

MANAGER: Your mum is so chubby her blood type is bread pudding.

DAVID: No!

VICTORIA: But David!

DAVID: Come on, I’m an athlete. Can’t you get me something on ESPN at least?

MANAGER: Do you play poker?

DAVID: No.

MANAGER: Then, no.

David scowls.

MANAGER: Oh, here. Fox wants to do a special where you bend your famous free kicks around the world’s fattest man.

VICTORIA: There you go!

DAVID: Pass.

MANAGER: Are you sure? It will be a twin bill with Lance Armstrong. He’s arm wrestling a one-testicled monkey.

DAVID: No way.

MANAGER: Comedy Central wants you to star in your own sketch comedy show.

DAVID: But I’m not funny.

MANAGER: They say it doesn’t matter.

DAVID: No, not for me.

MANAGER: “Rank the Ten Dudes You Would Shag if You Were Gay” on Bravo?

David shakes his head.

DAVID: Pass.

MANAGER: Okay. Dr. Phil has extended a standing invitation for you to come on and discuss the pain of Victoria’s infidelities.

DAVID: What?! But she hasn’t…

MANAGER: For a rainy day then.

Victoria shrugs.

DAVID: I think it’s time for you to leave.

VICTORIA: Wait, tell David about the movie idea that our friend Tom Cruise had. You know, me and David and Tom and Katie are all flown off to another galaxy and responsible for repopulating civilization.

MANAGER: Um, that wasn’t a movie idea.

VICTORIA: Oh shoot, that’s right. David, we really should get back to them on that, though.

DAVID: Can I jus…?

MANAGER: Court TV is offering a cool million if you kill Victoria.

DAVID: What?!

MANAGER: Well, they heard about the Dr. Phil interview.

VICTORIA: That might be a tad over the top.

David just glares.

MANAGER: Alright, they’ll give you a quarter million if you snort some crank and run naked down Hollywood Boulevard. The trial should be two weeks max.

VICTORIA: That doesn’t sound too bad.

DAVID: You’ve got to be kidding me. If I do anything it’s going to be low key and dignified.

MANAGER: How about NBC? You can go on Dateline.

DAVID: An interview?

Victoria claps excitedly.

MANAGER: The molester house.

Victoria shrugs.

DAVID: Forget it. Forget all of it! I told you, I just want to play football.

MANAGER: Now that’s not a bad idea: David Beckham works out with an NFL team…I bet we could get HBO interested.

DAVID: No, football! You know, soccer??!!!

MANAGER: Soccer? Are you nuts? No one in America wants to watch that crap.