(...back)

Good for you! A grateful nation salutes you and your commitment to the national pastime.

And you are thrilled with your decision, too. In fact, you can’t believe you ever doubted coming out for this amazing event. The weather is beautiful, the fans are showering you with affection and, oh, by the way, you just made it to the Final Round!

As you warm up in the on deck circle, all the children of your superstar brethren – who for whatever reason are allowed to run wild on the field while the Derby is underway – approach with well wishes and fist bumps.

Oh, here’s one who really likes you.

Uh-oh, he’s actually pretty annoying. And needy. He demands to be picked up and flown around like an airplane.

“Damn!” you think. “Where is this kid’s dad?”

His incessant whining continues. You know he’s just a child, but come on already; you have a Derby to win.

This kid is not going anywhere. You’re going to have to deal with him.


If you suck it up and entertain the little wiener, click here