INDEPENDENCE HALL, PHILADELPHIA, PA – DAY

Thomas Jefferson collects scraps of paper from Delegates of the Second Continental Congress as John Adams addresses the group.

ADAMS: It is imperative that this document illustrate each instance of King George’s persecution. We would like to thank you all once again for your input.

Jefferson reaches the podium.

JEFFERSON: But I am still getting sole authorship, right?

The Delegates roll their collective eyes.

ADAMS: Of course Thomas.

JEFFERSON: Well then, let us get on with it: An updated list of our repeated injuries and usurpations at the hands of Fat George the Tyrant!

He pumps his fist as the Delegates cheer him on.

DELEGATES: Huzzah!

Jefferson reads.

JEFFERSON: For cutting off our trade with all parts of the world!

DELEGATES: Huzzah!

JEFFERSON: For imposing taxes on us without our consent!

DELEGATES: Huzzah!

JEFFERSON: For depriving us of delightful German frankfurter sausages!

DELEGATES: Hu…huh?

JEFFERSON: What the…? Oh come on Franklin!

Benjamin Franklin feigns shock.

FRANKLIN: What? It was not I who submitted that grievance.

Jefferson smells the paper.

JEFFERSON: This parchment reeks of a lady of the evening.

FRANKLIN: Oh fine, it was me. But you were all thinking it. Admit it!

The Delegates murmur varying opinions.

JEFFERSON: Come on Ben, we have been over this dozens of times.

FRANKLIN: Yes, so I do not see the problem. We all agree frankfurters are delicious, correct?

The Delegates murmur agreement. Jefferson tries to interrupt, but…

FRANKLIN: And we all agree that blockades and tariffs – not to mention the plundering by the King’s soldiers! – have made it virtually impossible for a man to get his hands on a decent frankfurter anywhere in these colonies, correct!

DELEGATES: Yeah!

JEFFERSON: This is insane.

FRANKLIN: No, what is insane is that there are boatloads of delicious frankfurters out there and we do not have access to any of them. It’s…it’s…it’s Un-American!

The Delegates explode with cheers.

FRANKLIN: And I will fight to the death any man who says otherwise!

Jefferson shakes his head in frustration as the Delegates cheer Franklin on.

JEFFERSON: Pardon me Ben, but, well, do you not think that something as frivolous as this might weaken our position?

FRANKLIN: Frivolous? Have you ever sampled a frankfurter? The crispy entrail casing; the juicy meat by-product center; the endless flavor! I still taste them hours after my meal has been completed.

JEFFERSON: Yes, well…

FRANKLIN: On many occasions, I have strapped on a napkin and challenged myself to eat as many as humanly possible in under a minute.

ADAMS: Why on Earth would you do that?

FRANKLIN: For the sport of it my good man! You really should engage in more rigorous athletic competition. I am afraid you have the physique of a woman.

JEFFERSON: You kite-flying son of a…

FRANKLIN: How dare you?!

Franklin attempts to attack but clutches his chest and breathes heavily.

FRANKLIN: Oh dear.

ADAMS: Here Ben. Sit down.

He glares at Jefferson.

ADAMS: Now enough of this!

JEFFERSON: Don’t tell me you agree with him.

ADAMS: Thomas, don’t you see how important this is? Hundreds of years from now, this country will be a beacon of democracy throughout the world. This land will be known for its belief in the inalienable rights of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

Jefferson jots that down.

JEFFERSON (muttering to himself): That’s good stuff.

ADAMS: And it will be known for eating frankfurters, Thomas – whenever and wherever and as many as possible. Just picture it. Dozens and dozens of frankfurters crammed into American mouths at once. And those who aren’t eating will be cheering the others on.

JEFFERSON: That does sound beautiful.

FRANKLIN: Doesn’t it though?

JEFFERSON: Alright, I will add it to the list. But we are a bit short on space. I would really rather not go onto a second page.

ADAMS: Put it on the back.

JEFFERSON: Will anyone ever see it there?

ADAMS: Of course. Write it directly beneath our insistence on zero money down on all quality mattresses.

JEFFERSON: Done and done!