TIM FLOYD’S OFFICE, LOS ANGELES, CA – DAY

Tim Floyd sits at his desk working on his laptop. The USC President peeks his head in and knocks on the door.

USC PREZ: Hey Tim. Got a second?

Floyd sighs and shakes his head.

FLOYD: I told you, I stand by that decision. I didn’t violate any recruiting statutes. That was totally…

USC PREZ: I know. I know. That’s not why I’m here. Unfortunately.

FLOYD: What now?

USC PREZ: I know this is gonna sound crazy…I mean I know it can’t possibly be true but, did you hack into the computer system and raise everyone’s grades by 25% across the board?

FLOYD: Yeah. Of course I did.

The President is speechless.

USC PREZ: Uh. Well, jeez Tim, I uh…

FLOYD: Did you notice I did it for the entire undergraduate population and not just the basketball team?

USC PREZ: Yes. Yes I did.

FLOYD: Well than I’m sure you can understand that this is not a cause for concern. My basketball program is not in violation of any regulations.

USC PREZ: Well, okay, that may be true, but…

FLOYD: Oh, come on, I’ve got a couple kids that were already on academic probation! I might lose them for a semester.

USC PREZ: That’s unfortunate, but…

FLOYD: If you don’t think Duke does this all the time, you’re crazy.

USC PREZ: My concern is that this could reflect poorly on the university in general.

FLOYD: What, a trip to the Final Four?

USC PREZ: No, the complete devaluation of our grading system.

FLOYD: Listen, in a couple years, this will be industry standard. It’s not a big deal.

USC PREZ: Like when you proposed we introduce the team to those gamblers?

FLOYD: Excuse me, but you and I both know we can’t pay those kids directly.

The President just glares.

FLOYD: I admit I may have been reaching on that one. Anything else?

USC PREZ: Yeah, um, did you also happen to rip out the essay sections in all of our admission applications and replace them with finger-painting tests?

FLOYD: Obviously.

The President bites his lip.

FLOYD: Why is there a problem?

USC PREZ: Again, it’s just that this could impact the reputation of the school as a whole.

FLOYD: You don’t think Coach K is pitching this very idea right now?!

USC PREZ: Could be. Could be. But, I don’t know, maybe not everyone is so willing to turn his entire program over to the hot recruit of the day.

Hot recruit OJ Mayo pops his head in.

OJ MAYO: Hey Coach, I’m gonna be out of town for a few weeks.

FLOYD: Will you be back for fall practice?

OJ MAYO: Maybe.

FLOYD: Do what you can.

OJ MAYO: A’ight.

OJ Mayo exits.

USC PREZ: See, that’s the type of thing I mean right there.

FLOYD: Hey, he’s the kind of young man we can all appreciate – attending our school to maximize his exposure. He has a real head for business.

USC PREZ: Oh yeah, he’s a marketing genius. Not only does he choose to go by “OJ”, but he decides to play ball at the Juice’s alma mater, too. Brilliant. What sponsor is he trying to lure in, “Double Homicides ‘R’ Us?”

FLOYD: Look, I’m just trying to get the best possible athletes in here. That’s what you hired me for, right?

USC PREZ: Well, yes, partly but…

The President is interrupted by a loud elephant’s roar.

USC PREZ: What was that?

FLOYD: That was our new power forward.

The President walks over to the window and stares out at a monstrous Elephant decked out in cardinal and gold.

USC PREZ: You’ve got to be kidding me.

FLOYD: What, I should wait until Kentucky has an elephant of its own?! Or a live wildcat, God forbid!

USC PREZ: Well okay, but, uh, can he even pass the finger-painting test?

FLOYD: I might need you to pull a few strings.