GRADUATION CEREMONY, MORGANTOWN, WV – DAY

Throngs of students – some excited, some hung-over – in caps and gowns sit in folding chairs facing a large stage. Friends and family bake in the late-morning sun as a robed Speaker addresses them all.

SPEAKER: And so let me just reiterate that this was booked many, many months in advance and we just could not get out of it. That being said, may I present today’s commencement speaker, star cornerback of the Tennessee Titans, Adam “Pacman” Jones.

The majority of students erupt in cheers as Pacman – looking quite dapper – waves to one and all while approaching the podium.

PACMAN: Thank you, it’s a pleasure to be here. In fact, it’s a pleasure to be anywhere other than the back of a squad car. I’m sorry. I know. My publicist told me not to get into…I just couldn’t resist. Had to get that nervous tension out of the way. Anyway, it’s great to be back. It seems like only yesterday that I packed up the last of my stuff here and threw it in the trunk of my car. Well, wait a minute – sorry. I guess technically I didn’t pack it up myself…well, who cares right? That’s not relevant. I know that’s not the kind of thing that…wait, did I say trunk of my car? Obviously I meant the back of my SUV. But you knew that. Okay. Forget it. Ha, I guess I am nervous.

Anyway, it’s a privilege to be up here talking to you guys today. The Dean over here really summed it up when he said how great this school is. I really…excuse me? Oh, you’re not the Dean? The Provost? Is that better than Dean? Oh. Good for you my man. Well as Provost, uh…the Provost here said, this school is da’ bomb. It’s won a bunch of awards and honors and all you graduates out there should be real proud of yourselves. I’m jealous. I really am. Just the other day I was telling my personal chef that my life just doesn’t feel totally complete without my degree. I envy you. I look out at these faces and I see future doctors and lawyers and what-not. My man right here’s gonna be the next Bill Gates with computers and junk.

And you can do all those things, too. You can go out there and accomplish anything you set your mind to. I’m living proof of that. Football is a competitive business, but like most other businesses, the cream can rise to the top; if that cream is willing to give 110%. And I am. I always was.

I remember one time I was having a little trouble in this class I was taking here – English; or was it Biology? The point is I marched my butt right down to Coach’s office and we got a guy to take care of it pronto. I didn’t wait around until it was too late. I seized the opportunity. Not because someone told me to or I felt I had to. But because I wanted to. I reveled in the thrill of accomplishment.

And I still approach life with that same philosophy today. My achievements on the football field speak for themselves. Unfortunately, my passion has caused me some trouble in other aspects of life. I can’t comment on those events too much – lawyer’s orders, you know – but I will say that I am just living many of the values I exhibited here when I was such a successful young student athlete. Hey, if it ain’t broke…right?

I will caution you about one specific crossroads you are all sure to face, though. When you make that first million in a couple months – or, I don’t know, maybe in a couple years if you go into teaching or something – remember this: well, first, just know that if you do go into teaching, I will really respect that. Teachers are what it’s all about. For real. Second, do not offer to pay for any elective cosmetic surgery for any dancer of any kind. Not even in jest. Trust me. They will hold you to it. And before you know it, you’ll find yourself caught up in a whole other world of mess. Stick to more traditional investments like tropical fish and Scarface memorabilia. I cannot stress this enough.

As far as everything else goes, I suggest you just trust your instincts. I know the thought of leaving the comfort and safety of this campus is scary, but everyone has to grow up. You just have to realize that there is a strong support web waiting for you out there, too. You’d be surprised how often you can make a mistake – even a catastrophically stupid, felonious mistake – and walk away without a scratch. Again, I would wait until you have various contracts signed and bonuses secured before going too crazy, but come on, that’s just common sense.

And I know that’s something you all have, because you – like me – are all Mountaineers. No matter where we end up, whether it’s a sprawling mansion in Orlando or a gated community just outside Dallas, we are all the same people deep down. And, if you want it bad enough, we can all achieve our wildest dreams of making the world a better place for ourselves.

Congratulations and Good Luck!