By: Patrick Irving
4/30/2008

The inaugural issue of The Players Club magazine dropped this week. Don’t bother checking your mailbox or newsstand for a copy, though, because this brainchild of former MLB All-Star Lenny Dykstra is reserved strictly for professional athletes and dedicated exlusively to their unique needs and classy lifestyles.

It is brimming with premium investment advice, exclusive travel and lifestyle options, and, of course…

THE PLAYERS CLUB: LETTERS TO THE EDITOR


Better, Homes

Your decorating tips (Scarface or Samurai: Why not both?, April 25) came just in time. I may have to relocate soon and I wanted my life-sized Tony Montana to come with me. Now that I know how to frame it with those sweet Katana blades it’s a no-brainer. Say hello to my classy friend!

-- Kevin D., Seattle, WA



What about Superman?!

-- Shaquille O., Phoenix, AZ





Looking for Love

Wow, who would have ever thought of a cherry-red Ferrari?! As an up-and-coming young pitcher, I found your relationship advice (So, You Want to “Date” Alyssa Milano, April 25) very helpful. I can’t wait to try it out. Keep up the amazing work!

-- Phil H., The Bronx, NY



While your dating tips were obviously well researched, you failed to point out the obvious pitfalls of cherry-red Ferraris – not to mention Miss Milano. In the future, please be more even-handed in your reporting so inexperienced young men don’t get hurt.

-- Carl P., (no address given; presumed homeless)



You should add, “keep your ERA under 10.00” to those tips.

-- Barry Z., San Francisco, CA





It Ain’t Over

What a terrific article on annuities and their value in retirement (Your Seventh Inning Stretch, April 25). The information will come in handy as I ride off into the sunset.

Warren S., Tampa, FL



I hate to complain but I think you shorted me some pages in last month’s issue. The article on annuities ended abruptly without telling me what to do with them after I un-retire in a few months. Please advise.

Brett F., Kiln, MS

Editor’s Note: Look for next month’s follow up piece entitled, Be Like Mike (or Andre or Magic or any boxer that has ever lived)





Cruising

Now that’s what I’m talking about! The exclusive summer Mediterranean cruise and vacation package (Athen You Shall Receive, April 25) sounds like the perfect getaway for a VIP like me. I noticed all the dates were in July, though. Do you know of any similar offers for May? I’m available right now. Yup. My calendar is wide open.

Dirk N., Dallas, TX



Two questions: 1.) Are there any Mediterranean packages in May? 2.) Could I get a flight with a stop-over in Dallas so I can meet up with my traveling companion?

Steve N., Phoenix, AZ





Alimoan and Groan

That was the scariest thing I have ever read in my life (No Judge Will Give Her That Much…or Will He?, April 25). Thank goodness my marriage is a hoax.

-- Hideki M., New York, NY



Great stuff. Where were you ten years ago?

-- Michael S., East Rutherford, NJ



No sh*t Sherlock.

-- John D., from his RV



Could you print that divorce attorney’s number?

-- Roger C., Houston, TX





Parting Shots

I was quite excited when word of your publication reached me. Imagine my disappointment when I received the first issue, though. Obviously I (and many others I’m sure) assumed that with a name like The Players Club, this magazine must be pornography or at the very least soft-core pornography. Sadly, it is neither. Please cancel my subscription.

-- Adam J., Dallas, TX (via Memphis, TN)

FADE OUT:

Did you like that? Then you've got to read THIS!