TRANSCRIPT FROM THE TAPE OF AN INDIANA RECRUIT’S ANSWERING MACHINE ON ONE NIGHT LAST YEAR



8:01pm
Yo, it’s me. Leave a message…(beep!)

Hey there, this is Coach Sampson. I just called to say that I had a great time meeting you a while back and you should give me a call sometime. I’d love to tell you more about our program. So give me ring tomorrow or in two days or, uh, whatever. I’m at 812-555-293…(beep!)




8:03pm
Yo, it’s me. Leave a message…(beep!)

Hey, Coach Sampson again. I just called because it sounded like your machine might have cut me off when I…well, before I finished leaving my number. Better safe than sorry, right? The truth is, at this point, I’m not technically supposed to be calling you, so if you could just call me when you get the chance, we can move things right along. Alright? Okay. My number is 81…(beep!)




8:05pm
Yo, it’s me. Leave a message…(beep!)

812-555-2932! Okay, that’s my number. I hope you call it and then we can talk all about you and your dreams and – well, you know what I…playing basketball that is. Or whatever you want to talk about I guess. We’re like a family over here. I really think if you give us a chance you’ll find that to be true. You’ll come to call your Hoosier teammates brothers and, well, you can call me daddy. No, wait…(beep!)




8:07pm
Yo, it’s me. Leave a message…(beep!)

Coach Sampson again. Obviously, that daddy comment was a little…well…I just wanted to make sure you know that I’m not weird or anything. Just a pretty darn good coach who thinks he’s got a pretty darn good program. And I’d love you to be a part of it. There. That’s all I wanted to say. Just, just forget all that other stuff. So give me a call, okay?.…I’m not a pervert…(beep!)




8:09pm
Yo, it’s me. Leave a message…(beep!)

I just got out of an eleven year relationship with Oklahoma that was irreparably tarnished by ill-advised phone calls like this. That should explain why I’m acting a little strange. Okay? It’s not you, it’s me. I’m sorry…this is Coach Sampson…(beep!)




8:11pm
Yo, it’s me. Leave a message…(beep!)

Hi. Coach Sampson. Could you call me right when you get in? I’m going to be up for a while, and I feel like I should explain myself and maybe impress upon you how important it is you keep these calls to yourself. Not that you should worry. Look, I’d rather speak with you in person rather than trying to fit it all in before this machi…(beep!)




8:13pm
Yo, it’s me. Leave a message…(beep!)

Uh, hi again. It’s me. It’s uh, uh, it’s just, uh, this just isn’t working out. I think you’re great but I worry that if word of these calls got out then…I don’t know. It’s not you, it’s me. It’s just what I’m going through right now, alright? It’s just that…

…(click, click, of the phone picking up)…Coach Sampson?

Hey! Great! Did you just walk in or were you listening all along?

Don’t ever call me again.

I wish it was that easy.